The Hill’s 12:30 Report

by Cate Martel - 10/28/16 12:33 PM ET

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SORRY TO ALL THE FANGIRLS IN THE ROOM: Michelle Obama will “never run” for political office despite her high profile on the 2016 campaign trail, President Obama said this morning. What Obama said: “She is as talented and brilliant a person as there is, and I could not be prouder of her, but Michelle does not have the patience or the inclination to actually be a candidate herself,” the president added. “That’s one thing y’all can take to the bank.” What Obama actually meant: YOU’RE ALL LUNATICS AND I’M NOT SUBJECTING MY WIFE TO THIS. http://bit.ly/2dTp4nc

Happy Friday! 11. More. Days. I’m Cate Martel with a quick recap of what you missed this morning and what’s on tap for the rest of the day. Send comments, story ideas and pumpkin recipes to cmartel@digital-release.digital-release.thehill.com, @CateMartel and on Facebook.

YOWZA — EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRAWL INTO A CLOSET AND HIDE FROM THIS: Embattled Sen. Mark Kirk (R-Ill.) is apologizing after questioning the American heritage of his Democratic opponent, Rep. Tammy Duckworth, during Thursday’s debate. The video of the exchange was painfully awkward: http://bit.ly/2eXmoao

Duckworth: “I am a daughter of the American Revolution. I have bled for this nation.”

Kirk: “I forgot that your parents came all the way from Thailand to serve George Washington.”

Context: Duckworth was born in Bangkok. Her mother is an immigrant and her father is a World War II veteran. She herself is an Army veteran.

Duckworth: “There’s been members of my family serving in uniform on my father’s side going back to the revolution. I’m proud of both my father’s side and my mother, who is an immigrant.”

BRINGING IN THE BIG GUNS: Hillary Clinton tweeted: “Thankful for Tammy Duckworth’s–and her family’s–service to this country. It’s really not that hard to grasp, Mark Kirk.” http://bit.ly/2dTztiF

JUST NOW — IS IT TOO LATE NOW TO SAY SORRY??: Kirk tweeted Friday afternoon, “Sincere apologies to an American hero, Tammy Duckworth, and gratitude for her family’s service.” http://bit.ly/2eXHAgv

PUNDITRY IS ALL FUN AND GAMES, BUT LET’S LOOK AT THE MATH: Via The Hill’s Jonathan Swan and Ben Kamisar, polls aside, how does Donald Trump actually get to 270 electoral votes? 265 electoral votes is realistic, if difficult, but the last five is where it gets improbable. Math scenarios that could play out: http://bit.ly/2fe4bcz

SO, I GUESS THIS IS HOW WE’RE BREAKING THE NEWS TO JOEY B…?: Via Politico’s Edward-Isaac Dovere, Vice President Biden is at the top of Clinton’s internal shortlist for secretary of State. Where it gets funny: “Neither Clinton, nor her aides have yet told Biden. According to the source, they’re strategizing about how to make the approach to the vice president, who almost ran against her in the Democratic primaries but has since been campaigning for her at a breakneck pace all over the country in these final months.” I.e.: Hey, Joe, if you’re reading this. What do ya think? http://politi.co/2fnaGZS

HOW LEFT, CAN YOU GO? HOW LEFT, CAN YOU GO?: Clinton is coming under competing pressures from centrist and liberal Democrats about what comes after Election Day. How: Progressives want to make sure she sticks to the promises she made in the contentious primary with Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) on issues from providing free college tuition to millions of students to increasing the federal minimum wage. http://bit.ly/2eP7yVT

WE’RE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU; WELL, NO ONE, REALLY…: Donald Trump’s supporters really don’t like Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.), but Ryan has one thing going for him: a lack of competition. The House Freedom Caucus isn’t actively fielding a candidate, and not a single lawmaker has yet announced they’ll seek the speaker’s gavel. http://bit.ly/2eZ9k3e

NOTABLE TWEETS:

Vox’s Matt Yglesias
Every time Trump has a bad news cycle it crushes his polls but then he rebounds very fast to “losing but not by much” terrain. It’s weird. http://bit.ly/2eXphb6

NBC’s Vaughn Hillyard (Mike Pence’s plane skidded off the runway last night.)
Yes, this is the new Pence plane. Heading shortly to Bensalem, PA. http://bit.ly/2eUH3w8

ON TAP:

Noon: Donald Trump holds a rally in Manchester, N.H.

1:45 p.m. EDT: Tim Kaine campaigns with Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly at Florida State University.

2 p.m. EDT: Mike Pence holds a rally in Bensalem, Pa.

2:15 p.m. EDT: Hillary Clinton campaigns in Cedar Rapids, Iowa with Cecile Richards of Planned Parenthood, Stephanie Schriock from EMILY’s List and Ilyse Hogue of NARAL Pro-Choice America.

2:30 p.m. EDT: Bill Clinton holds a rally in Duncansville, Pa.

3:30 p.m. EDT: Working America’s Matt Morrison and For Our Future PAC’s Amanda Brown chat about their efforts on the campaign battlefield on the Sidewire app.

4 p.m. EDT: Donald Trump holds a rally in Lisbon, Maine.

5 p.m. EDT: Mike Pence speaks at the 2016 Conservative Rally in Smithfield, N.C.

5:30 p.m. EDT: Bill Clinton campaigns in Reading, Pa.

5:45 p.m. EDT: Hillary Clinton campaigns in Des Moines, Iowa.

5:50 p.m. EDT: President Obama holds a rally in Orlando, Fla.

2 p.m. EDT Saturday: Vice President Biden campaigns in Las Vegas.

5:30 p.m. EDT Saturday: Jennifer Lopez will campaign with Clinton in Miami.

WHAT TO WATCH:

8 p.m. EDT Saturday: Fox News’s Bret Baier is hosting a one-hour special on the U.S. military and the past eight years and what the election will mean. Preview: http://bit.ly/2dQICc3

Sunday morning: Mike Pence and Vice President Biden will appear on CBS’s “Face the Nation.”

NOW FOR THE FUN STUFF…:

Today is National Chocolate Day (!) and National Bread Stick Day (!!). Don’t worry — these are separate holidays. National Chocolate Day is celebrated on Oct. 28 every year. National Breadstick Day is observed on the last Friday in October, so they just happen to overlap. 🙂

EVEN COPENHAGEN IS SICK OF OUR ELECTION: Via Mashable, a bus in Copenhagen is decorated with an ad showing their frustration with Trump. They did get creative. http://on.mash.to/2eUhmvP

*INSERT CREEPY HALLOWEEN LAUGH HERE*: Via Erin Courtney, here are five creepy legends that float around Capitol Hill. Back story to each: http://bit.ly/2dTvOS3

1. Demon cat terrorizes Capitol employees in the building at night.
2. Wounded Civil War soldier wanders through Statuary Hall.
3. John Lenthall, clerk to architect Benjamin Latrobe, cursed the building with his dying breath.
4. The voice of John Quincy Adams can be heard shouting “No!” near the Speaker’s Lobby.
5. A moaning William Preston Taulbee, who was shot by a reporter for The Louisville Times, is occasionally heard mumbling in a Capitol stairwell.

And because I’m way too easily entertained — and love unenthused dogs in extravagant costumes — here are bulldogs ready for Halloween. http://bit.ly/2fejH7Y

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