Story at a glance
- Holiday events can be stressful and anxiety-inducing.
- Not only do people need to deal with travel and weather, but this year cases of the flu, RSV and COVID-19 are rising.
- Here are some tips for dealing with the stresses of holiday gatherings, including what to say to intrusive questions.
End-of-year holiday festivities bring with them numerous sources of stress and anxiety.
For the last few years, more typical family conflict and scrutiny have come with a side of pandemic fears — and this holiday season, with COVID-19, respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) and the flu all circulating, is no different.
Psychiatrist Ravi Shah who is Chief Medical Officer at Geode Health offered some advice on how to mentally prepare for social and family gatherings in a conversation with Changing America.
Plan what you’ll do if someone gets sick
With respiratory illnesses like flu, RSV and COVID-19 spreading rapidly around the country, Shah’s biggest advice is to have a plan to deal with them. Making changes if someone gets sick might be stressful, but knowing what to do ahead of time can ease the pressure when you’re in the moment.
“It’s hard for any of us to make as good of decisions when we feel crummy and sick as when we are feeling healthy and well,” said Shah.
He advises following Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidelines and making a plan for how and where members of your party can isolate if they start having symptoms or test positive, as well as a quarantine plan for people who have been exposed.
A positive COVID-19 test result can lead to sadness or shock, especially when considering the implications.
“If you end up missing something that you were really looking forward to, it can be quite disappointing,” Shah noted.
This plan could include alternative or adapted activities in the event someone cannot fully participate. If there’s a way to gather safely outdoors and distanced, that might be a good option.
Even with a group plan for how to adjust when someone gets sick, it may be helpful to have a specific personal plan for what you’ll do if you or someone in your household has symptoms, Shah says. You can make a list of how many rapid antigen tests for COVID-19 you have on hand, the locations of the nearest testing sites for a PCR test and any additional details that may be relevant, especially as there may be holiday closures.
Temper your expectations for social and family gatherings
“The holidays are a time to socialize and to be with others,” said Shah. But those gatherings are rarely, if ever, perfect — and you shouldn’t expect them to be, he says.
It’s normal to get annoyed or have disagreements, Shah continued. “That’s all part of family life.”
He said he has worked with patients who have a kind of “fantasy” that the holidays are supposed to be perfect and if there’s a fight or disagreement that the holiday is “ruined.”
“What we should expect … when you put families together a handful times a year is that they are going to have conflicts just like any relationship,” Shah said. “The question is not really about that. It’s more about how we handle them.” Tempering your expectations can help give you and your family members a little breathing room.
Have some responses in your back pocket
At family gatherings, there may be some relatives who ask intrusive questions, maybe about dating and marriage.
“We could spend a lot of time talking about why that’s wrong or why they shouldn’t do that, but the fact is people do it,” Shah said.
He said it may be helpful to think of a handful of responses to questions people might ask. You could think of a way of making a joke out of a topic, or saying in a simple way that you don’t want to discuss it. For example, Shah suggested saying something like, “You know, I really don’t feel comfortable talking about that. Is that all right?” The question at the end softens the statement and invites the person to consider your perspective, he says.
Shah said going into the event with something to say relieves anxiety.
“The worst thing is to feel completely caught off guard and then feel embarrassed on top of the fact that you didn’t want to talk about the topic. So prepare yourself, armor yourself,” he said.
Give yourself time to process afterwards
After this busy period, it can be helpful to let yourself unwind and process everything. Being introspective and thinking about what happened is healthy, said Shah.
He advises giving yourself the space you need before you jump right back into a busy schedule. Maybe that’s simply a cozy day inside with your favorite hobbies or TV shows. Or maybe it’s treating yourself to a day of eating at your favorite restaurants and spending one-on-one time with your partner or a close friend.
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