Mills on the Hill: Congressional Perks 101

Sure, they bring home a pretty good paycheck. And yes, they get to travel first-class all over the globe with you picking up the tab. But for my money (and it actually is), the best congressional perk of all is the prolonged vacation time members of Congress get to take.

For the record, they don’t like to call it “vacation” time, preferring instead to label it on the official calendars as “District Work Periods.”

Just don’t take that word “district” too literally. While we’re at it, I wouldn’t take “work” too literally, either.

Having made that helpful clarification, don’t hold your breath waiting for the more accurate “World Vacation Period” to appear on congressional calendars anytime soon.

I certainly don’t mean to imply that your favorite member of Congress is a slacker. I guess I am just envious about them having so much “non-slacker” time.

For instance: While the rest of us get a day off in honor of Memorial DAY, Congress takes a WEEK. President’s DAY? Correctamundo. President’s WEEK for members of Congress.

Need a week off in August? Of course you do! But it you are a member of Congress, go ahead and just take the full MONTH! You deserve it.

After all, Members of Congress have been hard at work on many important issues over the past several weeks, so it is perfectly understandable that they need the extended time off to recharge their batteries.

For instance: Congress worked like heck to keep gas prices under $5 dollars a gallon, and sure enough: “Mission Accomplished.” That alone should be rewarded with some extra time off, don’t you think?

And as far as the overseas travel goes, I know for a fact that many hard-working members of Congress are especially interested in slipping unnoticed onto the frontlines of those endangered European democracies like France and Great Britain.

Taking along spouses and girlfriends is all part of the cover so they can come away with good, unfiltered intelligence.

All that is to say: Mills on the Hill would be happy to pass along any and all “frontline” Memorial Day, er, Week “district” — or “non-district” — “work” — or “non-work” — congressional activities that need to be shared with the entire class. If it takes me a few days to respond, it’s simply because I am on my “Columnist District Work Period.”