The Houston Astros Will Win the World Series

OK, the Astros haven’t won the World Series yet and, if you listen to some so-called experts, they’re going to finish last in the NL Central.

It could be worse, I could have said, “I don’t remove the prospect that [Republicans] could retake control in 2010,” like House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.) did yesterday. Did no one remember to tell him it was April 2nd?

Because of his mixture of great hair and confusing policy positions, I’ve never been a fan of Rep. Cantor, who is legally changing his name simply to Eric Cant. Still, what else could he say? When you’re a member of a party in the awful position the Republicans are in and you’re a leader, you gotta answer the question. But the “it’s not impossible” answer is weak, at best. As a spokesman for your party, you can do better.

First, let’s break down the answer: “I don’t remove the prospect.” Well, yes, every seat is up and, technically, the Republicans could win every seat in the House. By saying merely that it is possible he avoids pronouncing the reality, which is “It ain’t happening this year,” but essentially acknowledges it.

What could he have said? There’s the honest approach. “No, we’re not going to retake the House this year, but we can make up a lot of ground.” This opens with honesty and follows with a note of the ridiculous. There’s the high school football coach approach: “It’s a rebuilding year.” This is mostly meaningless noise, but it sounds less ridiculous than “I don’t remove the prospect.”

Having grown up in an area where people of my party were greatly outnumbered in a time when my party was losing seats, I’ve developed a strategy for dealing with this. If you’re at a loss, just restate what it takes to win the election and how you’re going to do it.

“All Americans want a good economy, low taxes and blah blah blah and we’ll take back the House when they hear our message of blah blah blah.”

It’s positive. It’s sort of honest. It allows you to take a position. It works for a lot of things.

“All Houstonians want a World Championship and we’ll win one when we beef up our hitting, beef up our rotation and learn how to get hot earlier in the season.”

I could do this all day.