The Eddie Haskell of the Presidential Race

Eddie Haskell is alive and well and running for president. You remember him, the fellow with the big smile and crew cut on “Leave it to Beaver” — always there with a solicitous comment, sucking up to the Cleavers. “What a nice dress, Mrs. Cleaver; gosh, your dinner smells so good, Mrs. Cleaver; where did you get that handsome tie, Mr. Cleaver?”

Every time I see Mitt Romney now, I can’t help but visualize Eddie Haskell. The perfect dresser, the slick hair, the smile, the tilt of the head. He just wants to please sooooo bad. Now, with Mike Huckabee there is something genuine — honest, passionate, likeable. McCain is tough as nails and in your face, but he’s someone you would want watching your back. Rudy, well, he is Rudy — all New York, all 9/11, all the time.

But Romney is just over the top, just like Eddie. He doesn’t seem to believe in anything. He is the weather vane in a hurricane. When Romney flip-flops it isn’t just a 45 degree move, or 90 degrees, it is a full 180. Telling us he is a lifetime hunter when he has hunted twice. Telling us he is against gun control when he favored the Brady Bill and the assault weapons ban as governor. Telling us he opposes abortion when he supported it throughout his public life. Trying desperately to go to the right on gay and lesbian issues when he told a debate audience that he would be more pro-gay rights than Ted Kennedy. And now doing ads on immigration, blasting McCain, when he voiced support for comprehensive reform.

This isn’t a case of evolving on issues, getting new information or even changing one’s mind. This is a case of crass political calculation on nearly every important, fundamental issue. Will the Republicans fall for this man who has no core? Will Republicans embrace the perfect hair, the golden tongue and the man who will be whatever they want him to be? Seems like a reach to me, but then Mrs. Cleaver always thought Eddie Haskell was such a nice boy.