Story at a glance
- Haemin Sunim is a Buddhist monk and author who has taught Buddhism at Hampshire College in Amherst, Mass.
- His second book, “Love for Imperfect Things,” is about self-acceptance as a form of self-care.
- Follow Haemin’s 5-step self-care process any time you feel the need.
“Be good to yourself first, then others.”
Haemin Sunim, a Buddhist monk and author, says hearing those words was like being struck by lightning. In his new book, “Love for Imperfect Things,” which comes out Feb. 4, 2020, Haemin talks about self-acceptance as an act of self-care.
“The main point is how to accept yourself when you are living in a world striving for perfection all the time,” he told the New York Times. “Even if you feel there are many things in your life that are imperfect, if you look at them in a compassionate way, you discover that imperfection, in and of itself, is beautiful and has meaning.”
Self-care has become a buzzword used to sell everything from cheap beauty products to luxury sleepwear. But Haemin applies Buddhist teachings to the concept and simplifies it to five steps, which he shared with the New York Times.
When the holidays start to get a little stressful this year, just remember to take five.
1. Breathe. Set a timer for one minute and focus on your breath, every inhale and exhale.
“As my breathing becomes much deeper, and I’m paying attention to it, I feel much more centered and calm,” Haemin said. “I feel I can manage whatever is happening right now.”
2. Accept. Let your mind go back to your source of stress, but instead of trying to change it, accept what it is.
“If we accept the struggling self, our state of mind will soon undergo a change,” Haemin writes. “When we regard our difficult emotions as a problem and try to overcome them, we only struggle more. In contrast, when we accept them, strangely enough our mind stops struggling and suddenly grows quiet. Rather than trying to change or control difficult emotions from the inside, allow them to be there, and your mind will rest.”
3. Write. Pull out a piece of paper or the notes app on your phone and set a timer for three minutes, writing down anything that comes to your mind in that time.
“Rather than trying to carry those heavy burdens in your heart or your head, you see clearly on paper what it is you need to do,” Haemin said.
4. Talk. Reach out to someone and talk to them, either about your stress or anything at all.
“You already know the answer,” Haemin said. “It’s just that you haven’t had the opportunity to clearly relive the story. Once the story is released, you can see it more objectively, and you will know what it is you need to do.”
5. Walk. Step outside if you can, but even if you can’t, walk around your environment for five minutes.
“Walking can be an incredible resource for healing,” Haemin said. “When you sit around thinking about upsetting things, it will not help you. If you start walking, our physical energy changes and rather than dwelling on that story, you can pay attention to nature — a tree trunk, a rock. You begin to see things more objectively, and oftentimes that stress within your body will be released simply by walking.”
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