I’m a transgender veteran: Trump’s policies endanger military families, including mine

I was a transgender soldier in the U.S. military. 

When I enlisted in the Army in 2003, I was 29 years old, a father and married to a woman who knew and accepted my transgender identity. I rose in rank to become a repairer on Apache helicopters. But while I was deployed to Afghanistan in 2005, my wife was diagnosed with cancer and passed away 12 months after I got home.

As a newly single father of two, I transitioned to become an Army X-ray technician, serving proudly until my retirement.

Even after “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” being transgender in the military was illegal. But in 2016, when President Obama announced that transgender members of the military could serve in their identified gender, I immediately came out to the military.

Many people don’t realize what “serve openly” means in the military. It doesn’t just mean that you can be your authentic self. That’s important, but there are other vital, life-altering implications. The military isn’t just a salary; it’s your healthcare, housing and retirement. Serving openly means you don’t live in constant fear of what could happen to your child suffering from chronic illness, for example, or whether you will lose your retirement benefits if an executive order comes just short of your 20 years of service.

So when, in 2017, President Trump tweeted, “The United States Government will not accept or allow transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military,” I was crippled by panic. I asked myself, “Do I still have a job? Do I still have a place to live? Do I have health insurance? What’s going to happen to my kids? Will I still be allowed to serve my country?” This fear and uncertainty is now a daily reality for many transgender military members. 

I was allowed to continue my service but told to stay quiet. Trump’s recent order rescinds President Biden’s order authorizing transgender military service. While still allowed to continue serving, for now, transgender individuals are no longer allowed to enlist nor to receive access to gender care.

It is unclear how this will affect the jobs of those service members who have already come out as transgender. Those currently serving will no longer receive gender care at military medical facilities and may be forced to detransition as a result. The inability to enlist will likely also affect their future career should they wish to reenlist or move into the officer corps.

What is clear is that living in this state of uncertainty is harrowing. For decades, transgender military service has primarily been governed by executive orders and Department of Defense policies — but unlike gay and lesbian service, it has never been explicitly codified into U.S. law. So every time a new president is elected, transgender service members risk gaining or losing their jobs, healthcare and sense of security all over again. 

Then there is the hate. By taking away permission to serve, Trump has given Americans permission to speak and act in dangerous ways. 

After Trump’s 2017 tweet, when I was on active duty service in Missouri, someone living out this culture of hate stood in my driveway and shot into my car. My kids were inside the house and witnessed all of it. Other than my wife’s death, it was the worst moment of my life. This is the kind of discrimination and violence that many transgender people face. 

For a military child who identifies as transgender, it’s even worse. A poll by the Modern Military Association of America found that more than half of military families with gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender children have requested transfers or decided to retire early to avoid orders to places they feel are unsafe for their children. In Missouri, I was frequently told by fellow soldiers, “Don’t go to this part of town. They’ll kill you.”

Transgender individuals are twice as likely as all adults in the U.S. to have served their country in the armed forces. Nearly one in five transgender people are active military service members or veterans. We sign up to defend the principles and ideals of the country even when our country does not extend the principles and ideals to us. 

Today, as a retired transgender military veteran, I’m speaking for everyone who can’t speak publicly out of fear of losing their jobs or even losing their lives. I’m afraid for them. I’m afraid for their families and for their children. 

Beyond the risks they face from others, transgender U.S. military veterans have more than 20 times higher rates of suicide-related events than cisgender veterans. What tragedies will this new political culture of shame and bigotry cause?  

Even some of the veteran community has gone quiet. Many veterans’ organizations are not speaking up on our behalf. 

I say to them and the American people: These are your brothers and sisters in arms. We defended you, even when you did not know who we were. Don’t turn your back on us. Leave no one behind. Speak up!

Alleria Stanley is a retired transgender U.S. Army servicemember and a board member of the Transgender American Veterans Association.